Rewrite
by ScreamingEagle
Summary: Lost in musings and memories, one can be found lost between dreams and nightmares. It's only after the loss of comrades do some see the fraility of the future. Oneshot. Royai Goodness.


Hey this is my first FMA fanfiction. I hope you sit back relax read and please review afterwards, it would be greatly appreciated. Enjoy! AMP

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist nor do I own the song Rewrite

**Rewrite**

The room held an eerily blue tinge to it from the mixture of late afternoon and rain clouds. It was getting very late, but even though she could feel her lashes grow heavy, she knew she wouldn't sleep. She could never sleep when it rained. Riza turned to the windowsill, narrowing in on the droplets that plastered themselves against the glass. Slow, steady, secure. It was freezing outside, but she felt warm surrounding herself in buried memories. _Wanting to spit out the jarred thoughts_

There were small imprints each one of them made. Her comrades, her colleagues, she wondered if she dared to lend herself the title friend. The loud laughter created, bursting through the door, a heart full of love. A familiar sigh heard behind thick glasses. Those closed eyes never returning a glance. The smell of tobacco and a wise ass comment from the corner of the room. Riza could feel a cold creep inside her, realizing that much of that was gone now. First it was that laughter and that irritated look only Hughes could put on Roy's face. And now, the smoke was cleared from the office, the scent of Havoc's cigarettes nearly vanished.

Hughes. Her heart stung a little more as she grasped to remember what he looked like. There was always that knowing smile, a playful punch to the shoulder. The others quietly joked and even secretly supported, but Hughes was the only one that _knew._ It was never spoken but he knew it from the small smile in the corner of her mouth when she saw a glimmer in Roy's eyes.

She was snapped out of her musings by the familiar sound of ice against glass, the faint smell of alcohol on his breath. Roy looked out the window, his hair covering his eyes. He raised his hand to brush back his black bangs smoothly taking a deep sigh. "It's raining…" he commented flatly, his eyes never leaving the window. She found it best not to speak in moments like these. His eyes weren't red, his voice was perfectly clear, he wasn't drunk…yet.

Her mind began to wander again, through the silence. How she wished he would say something. But no, she was left with these distressing thoughts. She felt so strong beside him, but then again he was the only man that with a look, no words needed, could make her feel powerless…even _worthless_. Throughout her life she was the top of her specialties. What she put forth effort into she succeeded. She knew she was strong, but somehow he made her feel truly weak.

It was painful recalling it, one of her more vivid and recent memories. That smell of gunpowder, the burning tears, her heart breaking, unable to breathe, feeling…knowing she was making her final stand. Silence creeping down her spine. A lustrous smirk cut through the dark. Reload the gun; pay no attention to the screams. She couldn't remember how many bullets she made that bitch suffer. The cold cement floor, it was the first time she truly felt all hope lost. Because…of what she had said. Those merciless red lips leering, satisfied delivering the news of Roy's death. Riza couldn't stop her tears and Alphonse had told her to stand up, he promised he wasn't going to leave her. It didn't matter. _She _wanted_ to die._ But then, there he was. Roy had returned. There was the smell of burnt flesh, and she felt sick as her eyes fell upon the cruel scarlet covering his nearly fatal wound. She cried out for him, but his bitter eyes were targeted on death. Alphonse held her back behind a barrier until they heard Lust's screams die away…and as the ashes of his enemy scattered Roy fell over. She cried out for him again.

"_Colonel!"_

"_Ah, are you alright…first lieutenant?"_

"_Please be concerned about yourself!"_

"_Alphonse…thank you for protecting her for me-"_

_"Those things can wait we need to get you to a doctor!"_

_"Yes…we should call a doctor for Havoc quickly." _She could feel the soaking blood on his uniform and she desperately held onto him.

Strange how the next day, he was in the hospital wing yelling at her stupidity, as she believed, he put it.

_"You lost the will to fight because you believed what was told by an enemy? 1st Lt. Hawkeye, I thought you'd be the last person to act like that!"_

_"I'm very sorry, sir."_

_"Don't let yourself get confused! Never stop thinking! Never give up the will to live! If you're a soldier, if you're my aide, be more firm than this."_

_"Yes sir."_

_"I will continue to entrust you to watch my back. Diligence."_

He just got out of the hospital and already he was sitting in front of her, drinking his sorrows away. This was hardly the first time they met like this. It was always in his apartment, late afternoon after work. Sometimes they would talk, sometimes they wouldn't. Neither one of them questioned her reason for staying with him so long, nor why he would invite her in. She knew why she came. It was because she made a promise. And maybe…she wanted to be selfish. _Because there's no other proof of my existence_

He was still looking out the window, she noted to herself. He was feeling guilty, this time it was about Havoc. And she knew deep down he was feeling the exact same emptiness, realizing that the old happy days were fading. The times the boys would go to the bar and she watched over them. She watched them get pissed at the bar table. She heard them make the promises and cheers to Roy's future. She whispered with them the vows to all their futures. They all promised to be behind him no matter what and they would see him to the top, or so that is what they thought.

But now Hughes was dead and Havoc paralyzed, who was going to be next? Neither Roy nor Riza would ever voice these emotions, these memories. And that's why they were in this situation, hiding. As long as he kept drinking, she would keep up her front.

They both sat tolerating these thoughts to eat them away. The what ifs, shoulds and coulds of their lives. The words caught in the back of his throat. A terrible feeling resting in his gut. _My future that I should've grabbed hold is_ Stop.

The times to turn back were gone. And now there was just an emptiness and silence, wondering what tomorrow held. Roy finally for the first time since they arrived at his apartment looked at her. Their eyes met and wouldn't part. Riza felt that weakness grow inside her.

He got up and wondered if he could say what he needed; his hands trembled before he quickly regained his composure. She was already up and heading for the door. This was usually her queue to leave.

"Hawkeye" he managed to cough out, nervousness racked him, but he wouldn't show it.

"Sir?" She quickly snapped around to face him.

"I don't want you to leave just yet."

"Sir, it is growing late and I-"

"Wait-" he reached out his arm to her but as he lifted the other that balanced him on the table he felt his legs go weak and tripped. The sleepless nights and hours of mental torment were at last catching up to him. That pain in his side grew and he hissed, hoping that his wound hadn't open. She caught him and steadied him before they slowly slid to the floor. She placed him near the corner of the desk and the wall, and she sat herself next to him. Her tender hands moved from his chest as he leaned his head back to take a deep breath in.

"Sir, you should get to bed you've already had enough to drink. It's getting late so I'll-"

"No. It's not the alcohol." His throat felt dry and he almost couldn't speak the words, his eyes looked to the ground. No. He was going to be strong, he wouldn't risk it anymore. "You can't leave." He mustered the courage to look at her. "Please, not tonight."

There was a long pause, but their faces remained unchanged.

"Sir, I can't I have to-"

"I don't want to lose any one anymore" His voice caught her so off guard, it wasn't the volume or the anger but the desperation. "I won't see another die before myself!" His voice steadied but his hands were trembling. Her face remained composed but her eyes were pleading for relief.

"We vowed that we would see you through to be the Fuehrer! And yet you continue to put yourself at risk, sacrificing all that we have worked towards!" Even though she could feel her heart give way she still spoke in her usual manner, she could almost feel tears well up in her eyes. "How dare you be so selfish!"

"Those vows, look where they have gotten us!" Choked on words, anger building, exploding from frustration. "I told Havoc that he better get off that bed and be under my command when I reach the top. " He inhaled deeply bitteringly continuing. "I _ordered_it of him." Roy turned his head down again and held onto her arm tightly. "But…I don't think he will be able to sometimes. He's not going to be there...when-" He took another deep ragged inhale of breath. "It's all repeating again. I have so many nightmares now, from the past and from my future. I walk up the steps of a gray and cold nation. I see myself becoming Fuehrer but as I turn around there is no one there. Just the street lined red with the blood of those I trusted."

Silence. She wouldn't let everything be in vain, even if that meant she couldn't-

"So now you're giving up?" Her strength weakened and the pain behind her voice showed, cracked choking. Formalities were falling, reality questioned. She looked down as she timidly moved her hand and laid it upon his. "You can't give up on the future because you don't know who will make it to see you in the end." He bowed his head down, ashamed, broken, defeated. Her face softened. "I promised myself that I would always be at your side. And I intend to keep it." She whispered. Their hearts pounded with the same tempo of the rain that hit the window recklessly outside. He took her hand and intertwined it in his.

"Promises are bound to be broken. I can't trust them anymore no matter how much faith I have in those who make them." Riza took in a deep breath and held back in the tears, her mask had cracked, but she would be damned if she let a single tear fall. He picked up her chin to make her glossy eyes look back into his. Her lower lip quivered.

In was so painfully slow...almost surreal at first. He lower lip was frozen as he planted a sweet kiss upon it. The warmth that filled her as he suckled slowly on her cherry lips. Her lips parted slightly to take in a breath, and she felt his tongue slip inside her mouth. He played, he teased, sweetly taking her in, a small moan escaping her. No. She pushed him back, just enough so she could speak. She didn't feel her trembling hands against him as she betrayed herself. "N..no, sir. We-"

She was interrupted by his lips once more, but so much different than the last. It was rough and harsh; he wanted to force out the tears that were too proud to fall. She held his hand so hard, while she clenched the other around the white shirt underneath his unbuttoned uniform. She fought to push him away, but he only forced himself closer. He was lost in between his dreams and his nightmares, this wasn't real. She could feel his thumb gently rub her neck under her ear, and she tried to force it out. Her soft moans drove him near insanity. This wasn't true. She continued to fight, she wouldn't let herself become weak. This wasn't what he wanted. Her fighting forming into to passion, he tongue desperating clashing against his, fighting wanting to break this. Her hair clip slammed into the wall behind her, blonde hair cascading upon her shoulders and she felt herself lose the power to fight. Wanting his dominance. _Conflicting between "dignity" and "freedom" _His other hand released hers and she could feel his hands touch her fragile body. She could feel the tears fall down her cheeks, but she wouldn't let out a sound to recognize them. There was only the ragged inhale of breath. His hands were on her bare skin now; his strong hands caressed her stomach, heating her body on contact. His rough kiss moving down her face to her collarbone, she titled her head, biting her lip, failing to mask her moan. His touch made her shudder as he moved lower and lower.

"Sir-" she pleaded desperately.

"Elisabeth…"he panted. She sighed and tried not to allow herself to be happy. She loved it when he called her Elisabeth. On a mission he could speak to her as if she was his truly and fully. The way he said it, made her only want more. Deeper. Go Deeper. She wanted it, but she wouldn't allow this to happen. Her mind wanted to fight back but her words were lost. He pushed harder losing all of what was around him; it was only her he needed now. Faster, she couldn't control it.

"Roy!" she breathlessly cried to the ceiling. He stopped when he heard her voice call out his name; his eyes were open now from her tears. This was real. "Roy" she whispered in his ear, her hands wrapping around his neck. "Roy...why...I...want- Why did you..." Her words choppy, tears punctuating her sentence.

He parted the embrace and looked at his hands, realizing the crime he committed. _Wanting to erase the distorted afterimage_

The tears continued to fall from her face but she wouldn't recognize them, her voice frail. "Colonel, you don't need me for this." She was never afraid of his eyes, but now they seemed to want to move away from him, blurred distorted.

"How can you say that?" Voices now emerged as a whisper, calm and steady.

"You can't do this. I…I'm not the one you need for this. I am your aide."

"I can see it. You'll never say it, but I can see it in your eyes. I-"

"What if it is we want what we can't have?" She could finally feel the tears burning down her face; she was beginning to accept them.

"Damn it, you and I both know it's not that!" The window plastered its tears upon him. "We both know it's not that"

"We both know we can't do this."

"Don't bring up the law." _Because I'll see my limit over there_ "It doesn't matter to me" He reached his bare hands up to her face to wipe away her tears. "Don't say that I don't need you. Don't say I don't need you for anything! You don't know how much I-"

He stopped and she parted her lips slightly to as if to say the same thing. It was understood, it didn't need to be said, worried that walls should hear.

"I'm afraid." He finally said. "Of so much now. I feel as we uncover some new truth, as we get closer to our goal I lose something. Riza…I don't want to lose you. Stay with me…just for tonight."

_In the window of the excessively self-conscious me_ They were now caught in the memories of their past. There were so many which revolved just around each other. _There are no dates in last year's calendar_

She imagined if he would leave her behind, really if he should die before her. The regret, pride, her soul left shattered. And he feared the day she should be missing from his side. But was it worth it, to get so close for it only to be taken away?

"I don't want to regret anything anymore. So many times that I've tried to change, the nights I try to think of something else. I couldn't breathe. How much I wanted to just touch you, just to get this close to you." _After cutting my feelings that grew, I regret_ She felt his hands wipe away her tears, slowly calming her down.

She controlled her tears and made a jagged inhale as she tried to regain her voice. "I tried the very same. But I couldn't. I wanted to so desperately but I couldn't." _After realizing that after all, I'm just a mediocrity, I cry_ He grabbed her and craddled her, hushing her, letting her head fall into his neck.

She pulled away from him, now she rubbed his cheeks. Eyes shimmering in the dark, waiting for an answer. He held his breath, what more could he say if she chose to leave? This was his last chance, and he could feel it fading away. If she faded from him too, what more could he do? Cracks and splinters in his mind and heart. Was it all too late? He wanted his past back. _A depressed heart A dirty lie_ He shut his eyes, there had been enough tears shed tonight.

And then, all the cold melted away from his body. Her hands slowly slid up his neck as he could taste her sweet lips gently press against his. A calmness came over him, soft bittersweet tears, warming his cheeks. It broke as softly as it started. She smiled as she looked into his dark eyes.

"I promise that I will always be by your side"

"And I promise to always be by yours"

As the darkness consumed them and the rain poured harder against the glass, he picked up her small body. Every word broken, every forsaken tear became an equivalent exchange to have each other completely if only for one night. He picked her small body in his arms, both content to have each other. The future would laugh at their pain tomorrow and the past would weep, but at the moment life was a white canvas, theirs to taint. They held on ready to risk everything for a moment in which they could write their story. _Erase and rewrite Revive The unforgettable sense of being Rewrite The meaningless imagination The driving force that creates you Give it your whole body and soul._

**A/N:** Well everyone I hope you enjoyed it! Please leave me a review as to what you think of my first fma fanfic, as mentioned before it would be greatly appreciated. Oh and if you choose to flame please be gentle...


End file.
